Curt Lemon. A guy that died at war.

What War Is About.... Taking My Daughter To Vietnam

I been in and out of war. I was one of the lucky ones that didnt loose their lifes in this place peope call hell.
When you are at war you spend your days humping around the land, you walk about 10 to 15 miles a day. In those days you get close to the other people at war. You can try to stop it from happening but you always seem to get a close friend.
When you finally get close to somebody you mostly liking have to deal with seeing their death. Like Curt Lemon and Kiowa, they were good friends to all of us. It is one of the most hardest things to deal with.
War is about the bugs and trying to keep your feet dry.
War will follow you till you are dead.
My daughter tells me that that I only talk about war and and write war stories. I wish I could change that, but its the only thing that I know. I want to take her to Vietnam, so she could see the things that I have seen. Maybe then see can see what war is about.

I killed Somebody

I remember the day that I killed somebody.
So much guilt going thru my mind.
When you kill somebody the thought always seems to be there, well for me it did. When you wake up everyday thankful for the day you have been given, and then you think how the man you killed would be thankful for more days to be alive. I took somebodys life away. I took somebodys son away. I took a good soul.... and in a way I took my life because its going to hunt me for the rest of my life. Seeing my wife, knowing that he will never have a wife because of me. Never have a family because of me. Never will grow old and have a happy death.
I never wanted to kill somebody, I never thought I was going to ever kill somebody.
I thought about how his life would be if he was the one that killed me and I was the man dead.
He would have when to college and started a family. Then I thought about if he killed me, if he would of been as guilty as me.
It hurts knowing that you killed a man, and he probably didnt want to be at war as much as you had.
I hate that I killed this man. I hate how Im going to have to tell my daughter when she is old enough to understand.
I hate myself for this.

Rat Kill A Buffalo

Today was scary. After Curt Lemon got kill Rat completely lost his mind.
He was so mad at life he took it out on a buffalo. I didnt know what to do, how he was acting I knew I couldnt stop him.
I looked into his eyes, full of fear, hurt, and sadness. When I looked at him I seen a person that I didnt know... a side that I didnt think I was going to see. A side that everybody has, a dark side.
I knew he was going thru a lot of things and I could tell his mind was racing. So all I could do was watch him.
I watched him put bullets in this buffalo one right after another. Trying to let his pain escape thru hate.
It was so hard to watch a innocent buffalo being completely slaughtered for no reason. I hated to see that, but then I thought again about the man I killed. I killed an innocent man for no reason.
This world is so crule. This world is so full of hate and lies.
Rat knew it.
I knew it.
... and I think everybody knows that.

I Was Shot Twice

When I got shot the first time by Tri Binh... the bullet was so powerful it knocked me to the wall. I could feel my body slam against the wall, and the next time I opened my eyes I was on Rat Kiley's lap. I kinda felt safe it his lap because Rat Kiley was a great medic.
Then all I remember was laying there alone, I can hear the battle and the bullets flying thru the air. I also could hear my mind racing... crazy thoughts going thru my head. I've been shot, I've been shot.
Then I thought about all the movies I watched when I was a kid, when somebody got shot in a movie they most likely die. Will I be like the people in the Gene Autry movies, Im I going to die?
I was so scared... I was so scared I could smell the fear in the air.
Then I could hear a voice it was Rat's, "easy does it, just a side wound, no problem unless you,re pregnant."
Then I could hear his voice in the back of my head, trying to make out what he is saying. "Don't worry about the baby."
Then I remember being in the chopper with two dead guys...
Getting shot should be an experience which you can draw some small pride. Nothing to much but to talk about what it is like to get shot. Like the thump of the bullet, and how the bullet steals your breath right out of you.

Death Of Curt Lemon

We were crossing the river, heading toward west into the mountains. Like always Curt and Rat were goofing off they were kids at heart, and thats all the knew how to act. I kept walking. There was no sunlight at all, the coolness in the shade felt better then the hot sun.
Then all I remember was hearing a sound, a sound that was going to change Curt Lemon's life forever. Then then sun appeared. Like almost the sun killing our good friend.
Then Curt's body flung into the tree. Nobody knew what to say, a moment so great turn into a moment of silence.
The moment of silence seem so long. Each secong seeming like a hour.
Curt Lemon's body was blow to the side of the tree.
We could'nt leave the body suck on the side of the tree. So with each body part we peeled it off the tree.
It was such a hard thing to do. I was almost in tears. I looked over to Rat, he didnt know what to think. I felt bad for Rat, he was the closest to Curt then anybody at war.

Going Near The Canda Broader

I got in the car. My heart pounding, my mind foggy, and my hands shaky. I didnt know what to do, the only thing I could think of was to drive to Canda to clear my racing mind.
I just got a letter that said I was going into war. I dont want to go to war, I'm not that kind of person but if I didnt go I would be letting so many people down. My family and close friends would look at me different, like I'm not even me anymore.
Im so lost and so confused. I'm so young and I don't want to die yet, and I for sure don't want to let anybody down. Everybody I care about is waiting to see if I go to war or run away like a little child.
The pressure is going to make my head exploded. I'm behind the wheel of my car. My mind somewhere other then the road.
I'm scared, what if I make the wrong choice? What if I go to war and I fail everybody anyways? What if I cross the broader, and I can't come back to my family and friends again? What if I have to keep running for the rest of my life? Running from war, running from guilt,running from everybody, even from myslef.
After hours and hours thinking about the thoughts that keep running through my mind, I finally reach close to the broader. I got out of my car, my legs feeling weak. I could barely stand. My stomach feeling as weak as my legs. I stare straight to a Lodge Called Tip Top Lodge. Here I will decide if I go to war or not.