I got in the car. My heart pounding, my mind foggy, and my hands shaky. I didnt know what to do, the only thing I could think of was to drive to Canda to clear my racing mind.
I just got a letter that said I was going into war. I dont want to go to war, I'm not that kind of person but if I didnt go I would be letting so many people down. My family and close friends would look at me different, like I'm not even me anymore.
Im so lost and so confused. I'm so young and I don't want to die yet, and I for sure don't want to let anybody down. Everybody I care about is waiting to see if I go to war or run away like a little child.
The pressure is going to make my head exploded. I'm behind the wheel of my car. My mind somewhere other then the road.
I'm scared, what if I make the wrong choice? What if I go to war and I fail everybody anyways? What if I cross the broader, and I can't come back to my family and friends again? What if I have to keep running for the rest of my life? Running from war, running from guilt,running from everybody, even from myslef.
After hours and hours thinking about the thoughts that keep running through my mind, I finally reach close to the broader. I got out of my car, my legs feeling weak. I could barely stand. My stomach feeling as weak as my legs. I stare straight to a Lodge Called Tip Top Lodge. Here I will decide if I go to war or not.
Monday, April 19, 2010
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I too thought about going to Canada to escape it all but decided against it. I decided to man up and do the same. This is a war and as a man its your duty to go to war, especially if drafted. I also want to go because i think it will impress Martha.
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